4.0 DELI SCRUBS

OK Gino typically runs this post, but coming off Skott's first homerun in BP, I'm going to throw out his prediction for 2011.

Skott ba .311, 9RBI's, but will hit a homerun in 2011.

Player



Ayres, Derek ----- Solid year, now that he's old he finally knows how to hit
Culbertson, Brandon ---- Looks like an ant
Salvaggio, Peter --- Brother of the mighty Gino and often overshadowed by his brothers goatee
Cottrell, Jesse --- Fat
Herman, Daniel ---- Way too fit, and will probably resort to some sort of shorter short to wear before the games this year
Wagner, Matty ---- Mr Positivity, will sit with us before games and tell us how good he feels about being out there with us
Martin, Matt --- Will make 4.0 Deli Scurbs go bankrupt with foul balls and his excessive gum chewing
Lechich, Rob ---- Will be to at least 20% of the games and demand to hit 4th or higher because thats in his contract
Salvaggio, Gino ----- Will decide that working on his traps is way too hard and decide to do some cardio
Viavada, Scott --- Will continue to feed his newborn baby scraps of steak to make him grow into a 189 pound 1st grader that beats up the teacher for lunch money
Sitter, Doug ---- Will claim to have "hats" but we will never see them due to some shortage of wool in afghanistan
Collins, Brent --- Will also be in the 20% club and play with an angry chip on his shoulder while scott harrasses him about his mother and orange juice

Derek Ayres- Will have his power and average taken by the new, younger, Derek. Derek A be put to pasture.
Brandon-His girlfriend will be tired of watching 3 hours of "scrubs baseball" (if you can call it that) and will only show up to 3 games. He'll have a hard time finding his form of 2010
Peter-Will have a weight off his shoulder, and will play like a young spry Salvaggio with 2 hamstrings
Jesse- Will play with a chip on his shoulder, he'll realize it's a Dorito.
Dan- Will have 2 bobbleheads made of him in Bike shorts only. "It's fan appreciation day"
Matt W. Will have a 3 pitch inning, Skott will ask him if his arm hurts, and he will contemplate if it does.
MAtt M. Will be "Mr positivity" for the other team, but will still talk major shit to his teammates. His new name will be "Mr passive aggressive"
Rob- Will start an SDABL union for people who want to bat 5th or higher
Gino-Will continue to grow his beard to look more middle eastern to fill the scrubs status quo for minorities
Skott- Will realize he needs to do the opposite of every managerial thought he has, and will have the greatest season of his career.
Doug- Will be arrested on the field for beastiality, after another bird bukkakes on him.
Brent-Will only be seen on P90X videos as a backup work out partner. He'll be working on the bands.

Doc--While out to pasture will tell the new Derek the story of the Bull and his son, 'walking down and fucking em all (the cows that is)
Gino "Mohammed" Salvaggio will leave IED's around the second base area for the opposing team to step on.
Peter will bring back his famous "single--triple" and might try his new base running act of a 'single-HR'
JC will suffer from Bacon poisoning the night before opening day, and start the season on IR.
Matty will get cocky, strike a guy out and look at his watch and say "Boom bitch, I just K'd you at 12:17pm"
Doug Herman will accidently break all his pencils while score keeping and will have to resort to using some of Skotts crayons.
Matt M will be hit a record 5 times in one game.
Rob, to make more money will take a side job 'greasing' Brent up for the P90x workout videos.
Brandon, since his girlfriend will stop coming to the games, will have her on speaker phone the whole game.
Skott--will not go yard...
Dan will decide to skip the bike shorts and go for a spray on version to reduce wind drag.
Doug will be so paranoid about being shit on by a sea gull again that he'll forget to notice the pack of wild dingo's circling him while playing at Barona.

Brent: Will play 5 of the 10 games…the only reason he will make these games is because they will be afternoon games. By that time he will have enough time to sober up and find his car in PB….His Mom and Dad will attend 2 games this season. His mother will bring Gatorade and fresh baked brownies for the entire team. The only problem is, Brent wont be there since its a morning game. Brent will also continue to do his pre game “push ups” with the hopes that his new exercise video will hit the streets hard. It features SDSU students drunk at the gym lifting weights.

Peter: Will hear weird sounds coming from Left field. Every inning he will come back to the dugout asking everyone if they also heard the weird noises. After the game he will find love notes posted on his car. Peter will have his 1st stalker….AKA ????

Gino: will finally answer Nicks “100th” phone call and get convinced that selling pagers are the wave of the future. Gino will be on the ground floor of the newest pyramid scheme, he will them mortgage his house to the hilt and wait with Nick at the Port of Entry for their shipment of clear pagers that allow you to see the electronic insides.


Matty: Will pay a hippy from Humboldt to travel to San Diego to teach him how to use a “sun dial” to tell time. The entire team will think this is the best thing ever, until he asks every team member to verify the correct time with his current calculations….

Doug: will also ride Brent’s coattails of success and write an auto biography book about the luckiest man on earth “What my life has become”
It consists of waking up with a hang over, pissing out the $200 worth of booze that you consumed last night, avoiding the 10 piles of dog shit on his way to the toilet, heading down to the animal shelter to pick up another dog that honestly would be happier to stay in its cold cage at the pound then to come home with him, getting suckered into buying $400 dollars worth of meat from the guy who drives around the neighborhood selling meat door to door, dinner consists of cooking the meat the meat guy said was filet mignon only to find out it was the other dog that Shilo also wanted to take home, once the night has come to an end Doug heads off to his make shift bar only to repeat for the rest his life….

Doug H: after doing the books for the Scrubs, year after year, Doug finally SNAPS…he started throwing bats, helmets, gloves, etc… The umpire ejected him from the game. After he comes to his senses and is heavily medicated. A member of the Scrubs will point out that they went 3 for 4, not 2 for 3, as indicated on the website. After hearing this Doug looses it again and is placed into a mental hospital in El Cajon. Sure the team comes to visit every week or so. But out of the blue Jimmy stops by to pay a visit. The last time Doug was seen he was running down El Cajon Blvd naked screaming “ where is that Jimmy and his pot of Gold”

Derek Old: will get so pissed that “New Derek” is the new stats leader in every category on the board, so pissed that, “Derek old” will then request that each team member give him the back 5 of the 8 buttons on each jersey since that’s what he paid for. “Derek old” will announce his resonation from the Scrubs franchise and vow to get revenge on each Scrubs member…. He will open 5.0 Deli right next to 4.0 Deli, He will open “Scrubs” next to “Scrub Mart”, he will open a Los Panchos next to Jesse’s house in Alpine waiting for him to die of obesity, he will start dating Robs sister and Brents mom, he will call Peter’s stalker and tell them that Peter is still in love, he will point out flaws in Dan’s physique, he will buy up all the Casio watches in the world so Matty cant tell the time, he will tell all of Gino’s neighbors that his is the new Talaban leader and is planning to unite the Caldean army.


Dan: will become consumed with jealousy regarding “New Derek’s” tight body. Deep inside him he will admire his glutes, forarms, thighs, traps, calves, etc… Dan will question his own workout methods and caloric intake and wander where he has failed. Dan will look into the new methods body builders are using to gain size and definition. One of the articles he reads says breast milk is one of the best forms of natural protein you can take. He sits down with Scott and Sally and asks how much per ounce of breast milk…Obviously Sally is applauded by this idea and Dan looks into another solution.… With no hope in sight Dan starts switching Megans birth control pills with tic tacks. Soon Megan is pregnant and Dan is drinking his own childs breast milk.


Jesse: will finally proclaim his love to the mighty “worm” … Jesse will leave his wife, sandwich shop, car, and all personal belongings… Jesse and worm will then move into a modest 2 bedroom in Hillcrest. Once their new life has been established they realize the relationship needs more sparks. So they begin attending regular “furry sex outings” in Palm Springs. They are ecstatic because their close and dear friend Jimmy is the chapter’s president.

A few notations/additions/corrections to Scott's post:

Doug finally SNAPS…he started throwing bats, helmets, gloves, etc… The umpire ejected him from the game.

Scientists at Harvard Medical School, home of all of the world's Lasik doctors ("Harvard-trained Dr. Singh..."), say this is a genetic condition passed from generation to generation.

After he comes to his senses and is heavily medicated

In some cultures (most of them in Tennessee), Jack Daniels is considered a medication. I plead guilty as charged.

placed into a mental hospital in El Cajon

You've never visited my workplace, have you? Two of my three partners are insane. You decide which two.

Sure the team comes to visit every week or so

You'd fucking well better. I might recover and then I'd be pissed if I hadn't seen your sorry asses during my time of trouble. Then who would fix your trashed pitching mound every Saturday?

he was running down El Cajon Blvd naked

But then pair of extremely hot twins spot me in this condition and have their way with me (and each other), multiple times. A happy ending to an otherwise sordid story.

After gong Yahtzee a few times today off Skotts terrible BP throwing makes me hungry for next week! My prediction for this upcoming week is a 12 run-7inning beating of who ever sorry fucking team gets scheduled against us. Let's stick it to em like a...(insert worst prision shower scene here)...DO WORK!

Doug I almost forgot
Doug Herman- Will have 8 foul balls miss him by inches this season, he will not move a muscle, and wonder why skott is so scared of the ball when he has all of the catchers gear on